Love, or In Love?

It's been a while since I last blogged, not had much time or the patience to sit down and
write something.

I thought I would write something a bit more serious instead of the more comedic stuff I'm used to coming out with.
This has been on my mind quite a bit lately, not every spare instance I get, but enough. It centres solely around love. Now I know some people maybe thinking "love? what do you know about love, you are only 20, you have never been in love!" but I truly believe Iv experienced love. Iv experienced it, and like so many others, lost it. But in a way I'm glad I did, I'm glad that it allowed me to grow, and develop, but at the same time I regret that it had to happen to such an amazing person,
She stood by me no matter what, and honestly, on my part, I took her for granted, when what I should have been doing was proving how much I loved, cared and how special she truly was. Instead of trying to make her jealous, just so she could comfort my own self esteem and confidence issues I had. I'll always have something deep down inside me for this girl, no matter how hard I try to get over her, she will always have a place in my heart.
Unfortunate thing is that the way I treat her led her to break up with me, and we have never been able to be friends, not true friends, just mere acquaintances.

Ever since I was around 13/14, iv never been one of the 'lads', Iv always liked girls, but not the
type of guy to have meaningless flings. I'm more of a loving type of guy, I prefer to be in long term relationship's. I just love to be in love, that feeling of euphoria, that rush of adrenaline you get when you say "I love you for the first time" or when you see each other, or cuddle each other, tell one another your deepest darkest secrets, sharing your every twist and turn in life that you come too. I can't think of any emotion that is as strong, or has the same affect like what love does.
I think love, as a word, is thrown around without realising the true significance it has when it is said. I'll admit, I have been one to do this, but then I stopped. I stopped and thought to myself "what do I mean? when I say, I love you" It's at this point that I understood the damage I was doing by filling people with false hopes. Sometimes I would say it, and maybe not mean it. Maybe I meant it but not the way it was intended to be interpreted. I now have a clear definition, you may not agree with me on this, but when I say I love you, I do love you. I'm just not in Love. That's the difference. To love someone, can be on many levels, I may love you as a friend (on a platonic level). Anything after this I classify as being in love. There may not be much of a difference, but that's the way I see it.
I only really have two thing's in life which mean more to me than anything in existence, and that is my family and friends. I'm very selective, this is down to me not wanting to get hurt, hence why I have few but amazing friend's, and the same with family. Though the family side is more so down to them being "selective" and for whatever reason that is I respect that.

I would love to meet people who think on the same wavelength in terms of love and other things in life, I think I may have found someone like that now. She intrigues me, a lot! Some of the thing's she writes I can empathize fully with. The daringness to write with such sincerity and honesty, the only thing running through my mind, "I wish I could think like her, let alone write like her"
I would love to get to know her more, but I don't know what to do. For once I'm speechless, I usually have something to say, even if it is irrelevant. But I see her picture and...that's it.
People ask me "What do you look for in a girl?...What would your perfect girl look like?..." And I say the same thing each time, it's not what I see, though there has to be some physical attraction,
it's not what I hear, though the majority of what I base my feeling's about someone goes on there
personality. But even then, they can have an amazing personality, look absolutely stunning, and yet if I don't feel that 'connection' that so called 'butterfly' feeling deep down inside, that can be make or break for me. That is quite a hard truth for me to say I mean obviously the feeling has to be reciprocal on her part, I realize that. And I may come across selfish, but I can openly say that I am not. Don't we all want to be in love, to have that special someone to share things with, that one person you can cuddle up to and care for, that one person, that when your down can bring you right back up again. Don't we all just want to be n love?